Persian Speak

Persians do not say what they mean; they mean what they do not say.

Father leaves a message on my answering machine: "I won't bother you anymore."

This means: I've been out of the hospital for three days, and you haven't come to visit me even once at home. I am upset with you. I feel lonesome and forsaken. I won't bother you anymore since that seems to be what you want.

* * *

I come home from the hospital; I call my stepmother in the hospital and I say, "I am home. When Father is about to be released from the hospital, call me and I'll be there."

She doesn't call me. Aside from paying the hospital bill, she has to also go to the hospital pharmacy and get medicines for my father; the pharmacist writes instructions for the drugs on a piece of paper. In the hustle and bustle, my stepmother leaves the drugs and the paper in the pharmacy, which then closes.

The reason she didn't call me to help her was this: You are supposed to come to the hospital yourself. I am not supposed to tell you when to come. You are supposed to sit there for five hours, or whatever it takes (as I do), until your father is released. I am going to go through it all by myself to show that you are of no help, and let your father become aware what an irresponsible and unhelpful son he has (and what a responsible and helpful wife he has).

That is why she has a mobile phone: so as not to inform me at the right time to do the right thing.

* * *

My stepmother thinks she can do it better than anyone else. She doesn't need anyone's help. She doesn't ask for help. And when her sister or I do not show up to help her, she says, "See, no one is helping me; I am all alone in this!" And she can feel the satisfaction of being victimized.

* * *



My friend Reza called Helen in order to introduce us to each other and arrange a meeting. He handed his mobile phone to me to talk to her.

"I hope that we will have a good and pure relationship," said Helen.

Then why meet at all? I wondered.

When I told Reza what Helen had said, he said, "This means come and fuck me!"

* * *

One night, Reza, Stefan and his girlfriend, Marjan, were in my apartment. Stefan is a Romanian photographer who was showing us photos he had taken.

"I didn't have time to photograph all of these, so I had Sanaz help me."

"Who is Sanaz?" asked Marjan.

"She is a friend of mine who is also a photographer," said Stefan.

"How nice!" said Marjan.

Later, when Marjan had left, Reza said to Stefan, "'How nice' meant 'How terrible!' "